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Tante Janda

2010-11-08T01:30:00.000-08:00

My marriage broke down last year, just after our 18th wedding anniversary, when my husband discovered my affair with a work colleague. My mother has supported me through the divorce and I’ve stayed with my parents quite a bit.

One day, after telling Mum how awful I felt for having a failed marriage when she and Dad set such a good example (they’ll celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary next year), she broke down and said she’d had an affair in her 40s with a neighbour and that he was the love of her life. Now she can’t stop talking about this man and I can barely look my father in the eye. Everything I believed in is shattered. How can I tell her that I don’t welcome this revelation?

Isn’t it amazing how everyone becomes a child when in the presence of their parents?

Even though you are a middle-aged woman with your own admitted failures, you are outraged that your mother has expressed fallibility — though her revelation closely echoes your own story.

She is talking to you as one grown-up to another, yet you are running as fast as you can from such parity.

I understand you are genuinely, and rightly, concerned about your father and I’ll come back to that.

Nevertheless, the unconscious subtext of your letter is that it’s your mother’s job to succour you, not yours to offer any support to her.

You need to take into account the fact that you triggered her revelation by lamenting that you hadn’t lived up to your parents’ example. Can’t you see how terrible your mother would have felt that you felt pressured to live up to some golden matrimonial standard when the truth was more complex?

Any honest soul would feel hypocritical portraying themselves as a paragon of virtue when that wasn’t the case. Surely, that was why she blurted out this huge secret after all these years?

Rahasia Mendapatkan Tante Girang

2010-08-24T01:14:00.000-07:00

Call me the Grinch Who Stole Romance, but I find stereotypical romantic gestures expensive and messy and downright corny. I'm lucky I found my wife, because she feels the exact same way. It's not that we don't try — it's just that for every gauzy high school fantasy we embark on, there always seems to be a back end that no one ever warned us about.

I tried sprinkling rose petals all over our bedroom once. You know what I learned? Someone has to clean them up after the lovin'. Nothing feels less romantic than scrabbling around on your hands and knees, half naked, trying to collect what suddenly amounts to nothing more than compost.

Let me ask: Do you and your partner share a special song because you heard it at an important moment in your relationship? Yeah, my wife Karel and I don't have one of those. The closest we come to sharing a song is "Mississippi Queen" by Mountain. It was the first song we heard after eloping to a small city in upstate New York. (And before you begin to argue that eloping sounds romantic, I should stop to point out that this same city recently received a lot of press for having the worst gang-violence problem and urban blight in the state. C'est l'amour.)

Anyway, I'm not sure if you're familiar with "Mississippi Queen" specifically, or Mountain's oeuvre in general, but it's not exactly Peter Cetera and Cher. And yet that will be the song we need to figure out how to dance to at our 50th anniversary. I guess it will all work out in the end, because we step on each other's feet when we dance anyway.

Even something as simple as going out for a romantic dinner together often ends badly. Our last date night was supposed to be special. It was our eighth anniversary. We hadn't been out as a couple in months. We got dressed up, left the kids with my mom, and headed out to an old-school seafood house that had come highly recommended by someone who apparently didn't like us very much. It turns out that old was the operative word at this establishment. It smelled like old seafood, very old seafood.

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Tempat Mangkal Tante Girang

2010-08-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

The few dishes that passed us on their way to nervous-looking diners didn't look that fresh either, and just so our romantic evening was perfect, the owner/host ended up getting into a heated shouting match with the couple waiting for a table in front of us (perhaps they had mentioned the smell). We beat a hasty retreat once the shoving and pushing started. Starving, and now smelling like fish, we ended up eating pizza on a street corner in our fancy clothes. We were back home in time to read our kids the last story before bedtime.

All the traditional romantic go-to's end up the exact same way:

Jewelry is a bust because after eight years of marriage, I still don't know what Karel likes (perhaps because she still does not know what kind of jewelry she likes, and her moods tend to change with her hair color), and we both agree that we would rather get the hole in the kitchen ceiling fixed before I even begin considering a sparkly purchase, especially if it's going to be the wrong something sparkly.

Chocolates work for me, but not in a romantic way. More of an I-will-eat-an-entire-box-of-chocolates-then-feel-sick-to-my-stomach-and-roll-around-on-the-floor-groaning-about-how-I-ate-too-many-chocolates sort of way. Karel doesn't like to bring candy into the house for this reason.

Neither of us sing, or play the guitar, or write poetry, so thankfully we don't have to try to make the lover's leap off that embarrassing bridge. I sometimes rap 2 Live Crew lyrics to her to make her laugh, but I don't think that counts as conventional romance.

So what does work for us? Karel and I keep our gestures simple and secretive: letting the other sleep in on Saturday, crawling into bed together before we're tired so that we have a chance to catch up, or even something as small as remembering to bring the other person a glass of water before we get comfortable on the couch. For me, a special occasion is Karel in a lacy bra, and for Karel it's coming home to a finely vacuumed first floor. Those are the extras we crave, the things that say, "I was thinking about you today."

The truth is, Karel and I kinda like eating pizza on the corner in our modest finery, we are in total agreement about how and where our money is best spent, "Mississippi Queen" is a pretty good rock song even if it does make for a crappy anniversary ballad, and finding a rose petal stuck to my posterior three days after the fact was a teachable moment for everyone involved. When it comes to showing my affection, all I can really do is remember to tell my wife I love her every day, hold her hand on our evening walks with the kids, and cherish the moments when we fall asleep laughing together. If I can get the little stuff right, maybe that's the most romantic act of all.

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Tante Pilihan

2010-05-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Many men share in the same general fantasies: three women in a hot tub, three women in your bed, three women enjoying each other shamelessly on a deserted beach where you just happen to be taking a stroll, and the list goes on. But not all of them relate to girl-on-girl action.

Of course there are the more "ordinary," but no less pleasurable of course, dreams of actually getting laid at all. The occasional blow job in front of the TV would be nice too.

Dreams are free! That’s why they are so great -- we can make up anything we like and nobody can stop us. Point in question is, if you share your fantasies with your girl, will she enjoy them so much she would like to participate in them and maybe make them a reality for you? There are a few she may like, but some she may not.

Read on to see how likely she is to fulfill your wildest dreams.

Threesomes

This fantasy is often hard for a woman in a relationship to swallow: "So you want to invite another woman into bed with us, do you?" she says. “So I’m not enough/talented enough/thin enough for you, huh?” she may think. Even imaginary play friends can be threatening for your female companion, so you really need to make sure that there is a good deal of mutual understanding and trust (and erotic adventurism) between you before you bring it up.

It can be fun to bring an imaginary woman (or man) into bed (i.e. telling a fantasy story involving up-close-and-personal details to turn you both on). But bringing a real person into your shared intimate zone poses some very real and dangerous problems. Even if she does agree, nut it out properly first -- it is highly likely, statistically speaking, to be followed by an ugly breakup.

The Puritans

2010-04-15T18:33:00.000-07:00

In the article, “The Puritans”, author Edmund S. Morgan argues that the puritans were much more freethinking than their conservative stereotype. Most of what things said about the puritans is extremely exaggerated and just like all normal people in the world they would

indulge in such things as marriage. Of course according to laws in the 1630s when the puritans were around, it was required that in order to indulge in such actions of “pleasure” you must first be married. Many male and women servants and be whipped by their masters. I

Truly this left the male with two unlawful decisions that left him with no right choice. As fornication laws got more strict, parents of children decided to marry their children at a very young stage, therefore young adults would not participate in illegal activities if the “right husband or wife was chosen”.

Edmund Morgan says that instead of trying to make punishments for people who fornicated and participated in other prohibited acts, they would try to prevent this from happening before they had punished. All the laws and legal threats did not prevent people from illegitimate as it wouldn’t in our period of time.

It's More Fun if you're Fit

2009-04-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

Women have more orgasms, a survey has discovered - and doing regular pelvic exercises can increase your chances of ecstasy.

Eight out of ten women improved their lives in four weeks by doing the exercises daily - and seven out of ten of their partners said was better for them, too.

The findings have emerged in an ongoing survey underway in the lead up to National Orgasm Day on 31 July 2008.

The survey also found that seven out of ten women can find their - but 28 per cent of women don't orgasm during play.

Just of half of women who answered said they do some pelvic floor exercises but almost all said they would make more effort if they had information on the right routines.

Mums who gave birth naturally are the most likely to benefit from pelvic floor exercises because muscles can be stretched or damaged during childbirth.

Pelvic floor exercises - sometimes called Kegel exercises, after the doctor who developed them - involve tensing and relaxing the muscles lining the.

But new mums are often given only an exercise sheet outlining the exercises and the demands - and exhaustion - of caring for a new baby mean they are often skipped.

Tante...! Aku Pengin

2009-04-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

We must be very clear at this point about what "marriage" is precisely. Although virtually all true marriages will be licensed by the state (and rightly should be), this is not to say that licensing is what makes a relationship a marriage. There are very many licensed liaisons which are not marriages by a long stretch, and in rare instances there may be true marriages which never have been licensed.

We need to give a moment's thought to this last point. Within the Impuritan establishment there is these days a great deal of wondering why it shouldn't be possible--because marriage is not dependent upon a license--to have our marriages without all the bother and rigamarole of licensing. A marriage would be the truer and more beautiful, they say, if it were not propped up by legal involvements and guarantees; one could then be free to love in the name of love alone.

There is usually a considerable amount of hokum--deliberate or otherwise--involved here. Just follow up these licenseless relationships, and my guess is that it soon would become apparent that in very few if any instances was it the case that the marriage commitment went so deep that the idea of licensing was an insult. Rather, the commitment was quite shallow--so shallow, indeed, that there was an instinctive fear that legal safeguards might impede its easy dissolution.

But consider what was said in the previous chapter about marriage being a commitment that normally and naturally leads to wider commitments involving children, family, community, and society at large. This means that marriage, although highly personal, is not a purely private affair. Society has a real stake in it and thus is entitled to know who is married to whom, who is responsible for supporting whom, who is obligated to take care of what babies may come. This sort of announced intention is what licensing represents; and there would seem to be very few valid reasons why a couple that desires true marriage should want to evade this responsibility to their fellowmen.

However, the point we wanted to make is that being married and being licensed are not at all the same thing. "Marriage" is that quality of mutual commitment in which a man and a woman determine that their respective slots in the plan of the universe are in fact one slot, that the humanity of each is to be found in relation to the other, that each is to seek the good of the other as being his own good, that they are going to stand or fall together--for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, until death do them part.

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Sudah Nikmat dapat uang pula

2009-04-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

Given this sort of setting, takes on all sorts of great dimensions that it cannot begin to sustain otherwise. For a starter, the intimacy created by this quality of commitment makes the action all the looser, freer, and more fun; there are no inhibitions arising out of suspicion that one partner may not be giving himself as wholeheartedly as the other. And, catch this, the fun of the has the effect of driving the mutual commitment all the deeper. This is the snowball effect, in which the fun doubles the profit while the profit is doubling the fun; we will encounter the phenomenon time and again.

And in this regard it seems to be much more often the case that poor marriage commitments produce bad vibrations than that poor knowledge and technique hurts marriages. So let Dr. (M.D.) Reuben work his angle on the ways and means of bodily delight; there still is room for Dr. (Th.D.) Eller to work his angle of men and women under God becoming so committed to each other that all the delights of body, mind, and spirit are enhanced.

But we need to become much more specific about the actual profits that can be realized from married fun.

In the first place, there are babies--a priceless dividend. It may well be that we are moving into a time when the number of babies will need to be severely limited; but you better believe it, babies still are going to be wanted, valued, and loved. It is a true instinct that says that babies are nice things to have around and that they have a big role to play in mankind's progress toward a human universe.

A wanted baby, in a marriage, is a very valuable asset. Not only are babies fun, more often than not their coming is the most effective means possible for deepening a marriage relationship. It's the snowball effect again: fun produces baby; baby deepens marriage commitment; deepened commitment enhances fun.

A child born to unmarried parents (which, remember, includes those who have gone through all the motions of license and wedding but who are not truly married) generally is a liability. An unwanted baby, bringing with him unwanted responsibilities, obviously is a liability in the eyes of his parents. But further, it is not fair to the baby to bring him into any situation but a true marriage. Whatever lack of marriage there is between the parents is a detriment to the baby; and these days (as always) babies need everything going for them they can get.

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Simpanan tante

2009-04-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

But the profits do not stop with the production of babies; not at all. For the mother and father to be deriving deep satisfaction from their activities is one of the best things that can happen to a child growing up in a home. The happiness of the parents, the rightness of their commitment, their fun, rubs off on the child and has a great deal to do with determining whether he will be a healthy and happy person for the rest of his life. Indeed, the happy marriage and relations of the parents constitute the best thing that can be done to insure happy marriage and relations for the child in his turn. It's the old snowball again: good in a good marriage produces good and good marriages from generation unto generation; poor in non-marriages (the licensed as well as the unlicensed) tends to perpetuate itself likewise.

But we are not done yet; profit can be compounded to achieve fantastic increments. that is used to make a husband and wife more committed to each other and to their family produces a well-being that rubs off not only on their children but on the world at large, rightly applied, can be a major force in moving our untidyverse toward a universe.

That may strike you as a rather extravagant claim and a glob of high-flown religious nonsense. It is not; it is a scientific conclusion based on sound empirical evidence. A British social anthropologist, J. D. Unwin, spent seven years making a very extensive and detailed historical study of eighty different cultures old and young. His findings were then confirmed by the further researches of Pitirim Sorokin. The conclusion is that "civilization and culture depend on the regulation of expression and the confinement of intercourse to monogamous homes, and that where people are'free' and permissive, their culture deteriorates."

when its power is channeled through commitment, works toward bringing people together, building them into the social patterns that make for a harmonious, smoothly operating whole. when it is turned loose simply to seek experience, dissolves society into a swarm of isolated atoms. It is clear that we presently live in a society where the tendency is toward fragmentation rather than coalescence. Nevertheless, there is in this society a youth subculture which professes great concern about building a world of brotherhood, justice, peace, and love. Even so, this same subculture includes the proposal of going the route of increased permissiveness. But this is to try to ride off in two different directions at the same time; it won't work. Puritan goals cannot be achieved by Impuritan means.

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Fun and Profit

2009-04-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

Actually it would be much closer to the truth to say that can he fun, for we would do well to keep in mind that, although is the source of some of the greatest pleasure people can know, it is also the source of some of mankind's greatest unhappiness, tragedy, and heartbreak. One dare not assume that whenever he has the opportunity to bump and boin-n-ng it automatically will turn out to be fun.

Nevertheless, can be fun. The Impuritan establishment, of course, is founded directly on this premise, and there is no need for us to write their propaganda for them. So you choose how the point best can be made. Space is left on this page for you to clip and paste in the testimony of your choice from whatever book, magazine, or newspaper you prefer. It may even he easier for you to find a picture that will make the point more graphically than any paragraph could. But we have no intention of arguing the matter: paste in what you will, and we will be quick to grant the point.

However, where Puritanism steals a march on Impuritanism is in showing that can pay a profit even while it is being fun.

Now don't jump to a conclusion and assume that we are talking about prostitution; it does not meet the test at all. True, it does bring an income--although it does not represent as clear and easy a profit as one might think. But more to the point, Dr. Reuben indicates that prostitutes derive very little fun from their activity. Or if it is fun, it is fun of a most perverted sort. He says that prostitutes are motivated primarily by a hatred of men, and their satisfaction comes from taking the poor John's money and giving nothing--absolutely nothing of themselves in return. So not only does the prostitute derive no true pleasure from her, but the profit itself is nothing but stolen goods.

But if we could find a way in which would retain its fun and yet pay a good, honest income--that would be a real deal, because the pleasure of fun increases geometrically as one is paid for doing it. For instance, putting out 50¢ to ride on the merry-go-round is one thing; getting a free ride is something else; but to be paid good wages for simply riding a merry-go-round?--man, nobody ever yet has rated a setup like that!

Maybe not; yet this is precisely what Puritanism has to offer--and regarding even, not just bloodless and cold merry-go-rounds!

There is only one condition for reaping the double payoff of both fun and profit: the has to take place within that commitment called marriage.

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